Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
