I wish my penis had an off switch
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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