I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
