you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
