I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
