I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
