Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
