Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
