well you can't waste a boner
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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