what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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