Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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