My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
