Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
