I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
