First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
