1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
