I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
