she was so not down for the gang bang
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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