i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
