Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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