No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
