Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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