Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
