Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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