im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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