Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
