Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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