Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
