im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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