this boner is exhausting
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
