RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im holly from the hills drunk
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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