I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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