I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
