hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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