we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
