Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
