is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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