So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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