marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
