My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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