i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I need water and some morals
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
