You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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