The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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