i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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