And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
