he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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