They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
