it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
