I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
