oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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