I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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