I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
