I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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