i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will be naked everywhere
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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